The Marriage Trifecta Every Man Craves: Love, Respect, and Admiration

Understanding Masculinity vs. Toxic Masculinity Masculinity has evolved over time, yet men still face the challenge of balancing strength, leadership, and protection with emotional depth and vulnerability. Unfortunately, modern culture often misrepresents masculinity, sometimes portraying men as incompetent or unnecessary. It’s crucial to differentiate between healthy masculinity and toxic masculinity—where the former values leadership, responsibility, and emotional intelligence, while the latter suppresses emotions, promotes dominance, and devalues others. Men are often conditioned to prioritize the needs of women and children above their own, being taught from a young age that their worth is tied to their ability to provide and protect. Yet, they are rarely given space to express vulnerability, doubt, or fear without judgment. This creates an internal conflict—a catch-twenty two where they are expected to be strong and yet criticized for being emotionally unavailable. 

What Men Need to Feel Safe, Valuable, and Respected To foster a healthy relationship, women can intentionally attune to their husbands’ emotional, psychological, and relational needs. Here are the core needs of men in relationships: 

1. Respect – Feeling appreciated for who they are, their efforts, and their leadership.
2. Admiration – Knowing they are valued for their strengths and contributions.
3. Being Needed – Understanding that their presence, input, and skills are crucial.
4. Being Heard and Seen – Feeling like their concerns and experiences matter.
5. Feeling Understood – Knowing that their perspective is valid and not dismissed.
6. Emotional Support – Being able to express struggles without judgment or emasculation.

 Measurable Ways to Attune to Your Husband’s Needs

1. Respect Him in Communication 

• Avoid speaking to him as if he is a child or incompetent (tone or condescending).
• Show appreciation for his contributions without nitpicking his efforts (pick your battles if it really matters to you and approach it from a “soft startup” not attacking).
• Acknowledge his opinions and decision-making without constant contradiction, you can add value to the conversation and work together for a solution. Miscommunication is often an issue in relationships shifting to exploring your partners worldview and aiming to understand then offering yours and what is important to both of you before making final decisions.

 2. Admire and Appreciate Him 

• Compliment him on his strengths, skills, and efforts. (Recall why you chose him…)
• Express gratitude for his hard work/contribution, whether financially, emotionally, or physically. Roles are everchanging and family of origins may be different in your family compared to his, creating the conditioned response or norm for roles and behaviors.
• Encourage him in his personal and professional growth without comparison.

 3. Make Him Feel Needed 

• Ask for his help with tasks, even if you can do them yourself.
• Let him take the lead in certain areas without micromanaging.
• Reinforce that his role in the relationship is irreplaceable.

 4. Listen and Validate His Struggles 

• Don’t dismiss his problems as “not as serious” as women’s issues.
• Encourage him to express his emotions without ridicule. (inside circle should create intimacy and closeness you both only share with each other)
• Offer solutions only if he asks; sometimes, he just wants to be heard. Women too….We all have the urge to problem solve, listen with an open heart.

 5. Honor His Role as a Provider Without Diminishing Him 

• Even if you earn more, acknowledge his contributions beyond finances.
• Avoid making him feel like his efforts are insignificant or replaceable.
• Reinforce that his value is not solely tied to financial success or by his career he is more than that and has innate value as a human being. We all deserve dignity and respect.
• Applying Love Languages to Support Your Husband Each man has a unique way of feeling loved. Here’s how to attune to him based on his love language: 

1. Words of Affirmation:
   • Tell him you’re proud of him.
   • Compliment his work ethic, intelligence, and dedication.
   • Avoid criticism that undermines his confidence. (repair when needed, “what I meant to say was…”)
2. Acts of Service:
   • Show appreciation by doing small things for him.(Thoughtfulness, his favorite things, remembering and tying his previous thoughts, conversations or preferences into daily life when possible to create closeness and a bond.
   • Help ease his stress by taking care of something he values.
   • Let him know that his well-being matters, not just his productivity. (men statically do not care for themselves overall when outside of relationships and have a lower life expectancy see this through a trauma lens people with early life trauma and PTSD also have these behaviors, responses and often a deep sense of not being worth it, worth the hassle or resources etc.” (be mindful and kind)
3. Physical Touch:
   • Give him non-sexual affection (hugs, hand-holding, touch on the shoulder, rub his back or head etc.) We all need physical touch.
   • Show appreciation through physical closeness, not just intimacy.
   • Reinforce security and connection through physical presence. Put your phones down and give attention and presence.
4. Quality Time:
   • Spend time engaging in activities he enjoys and you enjoy then explore new things together it creates novelty and spontaneity like when you dated.
   • Show interest in his hobbies and passions. Maybe be willing to engage and or allow him time and freedom to have a men’s night out or a hunting trip, golf etc. he needs to be a person too.
   • Prioritize one-on-one connection without distractions.
5. Gifts:
   • Thoughtful gestures (his favorite coffee, a tool he’s wanted, a note of appreciation).
   • Surprise him with something meaningful, not just expensive.
   • Reinforce his importance through intentional giving.

Ways Men Are Emasculated and How to Uplift Them Many men feel emasculated in modern culture due to shifting societal norms. Here are some common ways men are diminished and how women can counteract these trends: Ways Men Are Emasculated: 

• Portrayed as Incompetent on TV & Social Media – Shown as clueless fathers or lazy husbands, cheaters, self-absorbed, unaware of needs, and abusive.
• Talked Down To – Treated as unintelligent or incapable in decision-making, only good for what they can earn or give you rather than their innate value.
• Questioned for Their Habits & Hobbies – Mocked for their interests or preferences.
• Told They Should Feel Guilty – Made to feel responsible for societal issues beyond their control and they may not believe of engage in….
• Expected to Protect Without Acknowledgment – Assumed they should sacrifice without recognition.

 Ways to Uplift and Support Him: 

• Speak Highly of Him in Public & Private – Reinforce his strengths and character.
• Let Him Lead in Certain Areas – Show trust in his abilities and decision-making.
• Support His Interests & Hobbies – Encourage his individuality and personal outlets.
• Acknowledge His Contributions – Whether at home, work, or emotionally, let him know he’s valued.
• Allow Him Space to Be Vulnerable – Create a safe environment where he can share without judgment.

Understanding Male Communication & Emotions Men often express anger when, underneath, they are feeling disappointed, hurt, rejected, experiencing injustice, or not feeling heard or understood. Frustration can stem from their limited ability to express these emotions due to brain differences—men tend to have fewer linguistic resources than women, using 20,000-30,000 fewer words on average per day. Many men communicate through work-related discussions because their sense of worth and expression is often tied to physical production or achievement. Women can better connect by reading between the lines when he shares and understanding his worldview rather than expecting him to communicate emotions in the same way they do. 

Final Thoughts Men are often expected to give everything—protection, provision, and leadership—yet rarely receive the validation they need to feel secure and valued. By attuning to your husband's needs, you foster a strong, healthy relationship where he feels respected, admired, and necessary. A man who feels seen, understood, and supported is far more likely to reciprocate the same love, care, and devotion in return. Respect, admiration, and emotional connection are the keys to a fulfilling partnership. By making small but intentional efforts, you can build a relationship where both partners thrive in love and mutual appreciation.

By: Nichole Oliver LPC, NCC, DAAETS